For those of us in the United States, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. It’s a time for gratitude, stretchy pants, and eating more pie than is good for us! But let’s be honest—it can also be a time for relational landmines. Whether it’s long-standing family drama or the latest debate sparked by U.S. elections, tensions can run as high as the calories in mom’s pumpkin pie.

Here are a few strategies to keep things light, loving, and a little less like a sitcom gone wrong:

  1. Watch your mindset.

Be on the lookout for your inner “Judge.” You know, that voice that critiques Cousin Jerry’s life choices or Uncle Bob’s sixth helping of mashed potatoes. When you catch yourself spiraling, say, “Oh, that’s my Judge,” and ask the Lord to help you redirect to a place of empathy. Remember, people are human, just like you.

  1. Be intentional about your energy.

Be the kind of person people actually want to sit next to at the table. Smile. Be encouraging. Brain science tells us that mirror neurons make people pick up on the energy we bring. If you bring stress, others will feel it. If you bring joy, they’ll catch that too. So, prep for Thanksgiving joy like you’re in training: laugh at a silly video, dance to your favorite tunes, look at the videos of your kids and grandkids.

  1. Ask the big question.

If things do get heated, ask yourself, “At the end of my life, how do I want to look back on this moment?” Will it matter that your cousin doesn’t have whipped cream for the pumpkin pie? Probably not. What will matter are the relationships. Choose joy. Choose love. Choose empathy. And maybe, choose to skip debating the merits of canned cranberry sauce.

This Thanksgiving, bring God’s love, joy, and gratitude. You and those whom you spend the day with will be glad you did.